Happy National Adoption Month!

A Novel... for my journal

Choosing Adoption is a difficult choice – for ALL parties involved. I don’t even want to imagine the multitude of decisions facing potential birth-mothers. There is just so much “stuff” involved.

For me, as an adoptive parent, it meant the death of a dream. It meant kissing goodbye the realization that I might never have the chance to “enjoy” my own pregnancy (ultrasounds, heartbeats, baby kicks, back pains, to name a few) or labor and delivery (hearing the babies first cry and seeing him all covered in gunk). It meant I wouldn’t get to join with God in the creation of life. It meant saying sayonara to the idea of looking into a face with similar biological features and wondering who he looks like more. It meant that my family would be “different.” We would have issues that “normal” families didn’t have to deal with.

For us, it meant walking away from logic, ie: Doctors (who weren’t helpful anyway) and putting our faith in the Lord that He would guide our family to our home. The birth of a new dream.

We really hadn’t tried very many medical treatments. We knew I had PCOS – but none of the doctors could tell us how to treat it. (They all just said, “Try clomid and relax. If you’re just patient it will happen. It really depends on how long you are willing to wait.” Umm, excuse me Mister Doctor sir. Have you EVER been in this situation before? No! So you probably don’t realize that is NOT what we want to hear right now, thank you very much. We’ve been “waiting” for three years. Something is WRONG!) I can’t even begin to explain the frustration we felt toward the medical community! Think of the last time you were frustrated at something and then times it by ten. It was SO aggravating!!!

We went to a specialist in SLC who told us that we should consider in-vitro. Hmm, $10,000 for a 20% one-time chance of getting pregnant? (FYI, “normal” couples have a 25% chance each month of becoming pregnant – it’s amazing ANYONE gets pregnant). I’m not the gambling type, but I’m pretty sure that’s not the greatest statistic. So…after enough with the doctors - we started contemplating adoption.

We thought about it for many moons. Adoption is expensive. With LDSFS it’s 10% of your combined yearly income, not to exceed $10,000 and there are thousands upon thousands of adoptive couples waiting. With other agencies the cost can be anywhere from $15,000 to $25,000 minimum. But…if you wait long enough, you are 100% sure to get a baby. After thinking it over, we thought a 100% chance was better than a 20% chance for the same price. However, we still weren’t completely sure about it.

Our decision was ultimately made in the temple. One early morning in October 2006, Dave and I went to the Bountiful temple for a sealing assignment. While waiting for everyone to arrive, the sealer, Brother Leishman, began asking the couples questions to get to know us.

He looked at us and said, “So…who’s at home with the kids?”

Dave and I looked at each other and then answered, “We don’t have any
kids.”

To which he immediately replied, “Well adoption is good too.
The sealing power is amazing. It allows adopted children to become ‘as if
born in the covenant.’ What an amazing plan the Lord has for ALL of his
children.”

I was in SHOCK. I was in AWE. It was such a direct answer to prayer. I knew immediately that adoption was the choice the Lord wanted us to make. We decided to put further medical procedures on the back burner.

We began the paper work. I should say, we were immediately buried in paperwork. It took us several months just to answer the 44-question questionnaire. Ten pages (12-pt-font-single-spaced-each-spouse) and 3 references (2-sided questionnaire that the agency mailed to our contacts) later we could sign up for the “classes” offered by the agency. We didn’t really know what to expect from the classes, but it was an eye-opening opportunity that I wish EVERYONE had to experience. We learned about birth mothers (“without them, there is no need for YOU”…Ouch. Say goodbye to my pride!). We learned about infertility (“only 5% of adoptive couples end up having children biologically after they adopt”…Ouch. Not the greatest of chances). We learned about openness (“contact with your birthmother anywhere from emails to home visits”…sigh – if we were “normal” we wouldn’t have to deal with that). We learned about race and placement and making yourself stand-out (you mean this is a competition?). With all the sarcasm aside, our eyes were opened. We realized what it would take for our family to have a baby. We realized that our lives really aren’t our own to lead, but that we should follow closely behind the Lord and His will.

After 8-weeks of classes, a thorough home-study, interviews with our case worker, letters and pictures put together for potential birthmothers and waiting for agency approval, we realized what we had gotten ourselves into. It was a whole different way of putting a family together. A way that felt right for us.

We also realized we are not alone (see my sidebar for a handful of other adoptive couples) which brought with it great amounts of JOY. As Alma said in Mosiah 18

“ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and
are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort
those that stand in need of comfort.”

What a difference a friend who understands makes!!!!

The answer to our prayers came quickly. We didn’t have to wait long before our sweet Sammy was loving placed in my arms. We are so happy to have made the difficult choice of Adoption. One that we will happily make again in the future.

(If you missed the earlier installments of our adoption story, read them here and here.)